If participating in a ENM relationship is good for both of you-great!

Relationships should be safe environments free of judgment, so knowing all of the information early on is super important, says McNeil

  • How do you deal with negative emotions?

Does your boo throw a temper tantrum when they get mad, sad, or frustrated? Or do they process it, perhaps with some journaling and meditation? Do they lash out or self-isolate? Not only is the answer an indication of their ability to self-regulate, says Suwinyattichaiporn, but it’s also helpful for any partner to know.

Relationships should be safe environments free of judgment, so knowing all of the information early on is super important, says McNeil

  • How do you know when you are successful?

This is a great way to see what your partner’s values are, without straight-up asking, says Suwinyattichaiporn. Is their definition of success being rich AF? Or does it have to deal with building a family? Both answers are fine, but it’s good to understand if you are aligned with this person, or if your end goals and moral codes are completely different.

Relationships should be safe environments free of judgment, so knowing all of the information early on is super important, says McNeil

  • What would your perfect day look like?

Knowing what sparks joy with your partner helps you find ways to infuse your days with more of those moments, says Dana McNeil, PhD, a licensed ily therapist. This shows your boo thang you’re listening and you care about what makes them happy! What could be more important than that?

Relationships should be safe environments free of judgment, so knowing all of the information early on is super important, says McNeil

  • What getiton search does commitment mean to you?

Ethically non-monogamous (ENM) relationships are climbing in popularity, so best to check in early where your partner stands on this, says McNeil. If one of you is hell bent on having one partner ‘til death do you part, it may be time to reassess where things are going.

Relationships should be safe environments free of judgment, so knowing all of the information early on is super important, says McNeil

  • Of the people we know, whose relationship do you admire the most and why?

This is another great way to get a little peek into what your partner is ultimately looking for. Do they think their parent’s relationship is bomb, when you’re iffy about it? Talk about it! The roles you’ll play, and how people show love and respect are so crucial when building a foundation, says McNeal.

Relationships should be safe environments free of judgment, so knowing all of the information early on is super important, says McNeil

  • “Besides your parents, who shaped you the most during your childhood and teens?”

This question will give you insight into the most important people in your partner’s life, which might not always be obvious, says Women’s Health advisor Chloe “Dr. Chloe” Carmichael, PhD, a clinical psychologist in New York City and author of Dr. Chloe’s 10 Commandments of Dating.

Relationships should be safe environments free of judgment, so knowing all of the information early on is super important, says McNeil

  • “What’s the angriest you’ve ever been?”

Talking about emotions and what triggers them will always lead to an intimate conversation. Dr. Chloe recommends this Q to better understand what gets your boyfriend fired up.

Relationships should be safe environments free of judgment, so knowing all of the information early on is super important, says McNeil

  • “What are the telltale signs that you’re stressed, that no one else would know?”

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Dr. Chloe recommends this question as a way to get insight into how your partner copes when things aren’t going well. Once you know, you can share your own signs and be better, more supportive partners for each other when the going gets tough.

Relationships should be safe environments free of judgment, so knowing all of the information early on is super important, says McNeil

  • “What are your guilty pleasures?”

This is a fun chance to find out how your partner likes to indulge, and what might be a little embarrassing to them. Whether it’s bad reality TV or sour gummy worms, you’ll usually get a look at what comforts your person or reminds them of their childhood.

Relationships should be safe environments free of judgment, so knowing all of the information early on is super important, says McNeil

  • “Who was your first love, and why did it end?”

Dr. Chloe suggests this question to help you understand your boyfriend’s relationship history. How he answers will show you what he values in a partnership and what behaviors are most hurtful to him. (That’s super valuable intel, btw.)

By hamza

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